The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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