if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
