I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
