My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
