I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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