The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
