We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
