Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
