he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
