Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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