I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
