my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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