Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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