yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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