I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just want nice things and good sex
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
