So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
