I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
