those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
