woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
