im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
