You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
