I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
ok first of all what the fuck
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
