I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
