Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Small penises have feelings too.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
