I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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