just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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