Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
