remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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