I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
