do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
