Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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