what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
