i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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