btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He better not be in your backpack
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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