I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
