where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
