i just sent this text using only my big toe
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
