My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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