I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
