textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
