When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
