He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
