And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Two words: nipple clamps
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