If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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