woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
