guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
