Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
