I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
