Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
