Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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