Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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