I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Success! We fucked roommates!
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