I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
