I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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