You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
