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• (586): View more from Michigan

  You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot

  (586): View more from Michigan

  That was very cool/italian of you

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.

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• (530): View more from California

  How is Miami?

  (954): View more from Florida

  Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln

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• (409): View more from Texas

  Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake

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• (607): View more from New York

  I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  (This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call

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