fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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