Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
