i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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