Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
