Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
