Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
