Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
