Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
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