Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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