That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
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I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
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You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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