it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
