i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize