Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
