How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize