the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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