CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
