he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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