I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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