she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We're too hungover to prance.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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