I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
