remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
