video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
