I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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