I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
