I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
