she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
